Wednesday, December 30, 2009


Even though I already posted a pretty intense blog today I figured that because tomorrow is New Year's Eve I should probably prepare my list of New Year's Resolutions. It seems like almost every year I have the same resolutions that I never accomplish and each year starts blending together. But not this year! I'm going to be detailed.

1. Be healthier.
This encompasses a lot, I know. But like I said, I'll be detailed with what I resolve to do. Step one is to eliminate pop from my diet. I'll allow myself pop maybe twice per month. Once every other week. That will be extremely hard considering that Mark drinks a ton of coke and I'm the one who does the grocery shopping, so the temptation will definitely be there, but we'll see how it goes. Step two is to create a work out plan. Right now I've scheduled myself to work out at the OU gym on Wednesdays at 5:30 pm after my class for one hour (cardio), and Fridays after my class at 2:30 for one hour (cardio). Then I'll work on either my Pilates or Wedding workout DVD on Monday nights. I figure that's reasonable and it's not like I told myself this fall "YOU ARE GONNA GO WORK OUT EVERY DAY AFTER SCHOOL AND YOU ARE GONNA LIKE IT!" No. Not so much pressure. I'll also cut out most snacks, start taking vitamins regularly, and chart my nutritional intake on sparkpeople.

2. Obtain a higher GPA.
I don't have many specifics on this yet. I should do alright with studying considering my laptop won't connect to wireless internet right now so I'd be banned to Mark's office or else be forced to do homework (or watch TV, but who does that anymore?). I'm for sure making myself study guides again like I used to. Last semester was by far the laziest I've ever experienced.

3. Save money.
I've already started on this actually - I get money from my internship direct deposited and so I've alloted 5% to be sent directly to my savings account. This is a very SMALL step for sure, but then again when your very poor small steps are all you can do. I vow to pay off my credit card balance and to chart what I spend money on (I know all those out to lunch breaks are killing me) so that I can be sure to have a good chunk saved.

4. Keep an open mind.
Enough said. I'm so stubborn sometimes. I should not be. Life is short.

5. Buy/Rent a house.
No further explanation needed on that one either. It will probably be rent. The apartment is okay but ugh...I want a house.

I think that is probably the extent of it. I know that I could take steps to improve every facet of my life and I hope that I'll have the energy to do that. I'd like to make this year one of my top favorite years. 2007 still wins by a long shot which is upsetting to me. It used to feel like every year of my life got progressively better but growing up can be pretty stressful at times. I really hope this is a good year.

2010, here I come.


I started writing this yesterday and then thought to myself that maybe I was getting too personal and should really keep this things inside. But after laying awake for a good five hours before falling asleep last night, I realize that writing is about the best thing I can do to clear my head. Always has been, always will be.

It's really hard figuring out your life. I know that God has his plan for me very clearly laid out and that's just fine, but it's not like he can send me some sort of e-mail or fortune cookie and clue me in a little!? I do trust that everything will turn out like it is supposed to with my life. What I don't trust is myself being patient enough to just let things happen and not drive myself crazy wondering about what if's and when's and how's. So rescheduling our wedding was obviously a part of God's plan because it happened already, not to mention all signs point to this being the most responsible thing to do as neither of us are financially independent enough nor have our own health coverage or even have reliable cars. It is hard to think about though that just a few months ago I was so excited to be planning for THIS summer to be our big day. And how over this break I've had so much free time on my hands to plan for THIS summer and now that free time was spend flipping through a book of invitations that I won't have to order until over a year from now. I know that if I had just planned it for 2011 from the start there would be no disappointments, but's just a little sad.

I try to tell myself that I'll be super busy this summer anyways. I'll be taking two classes for each spring and summer sessions and then a full load for the fall so that I can graduate in December. But WHY? That's the other reason I was up tossing and turning. Just before bed I had been searching all over the internet for job lisitings in Michigan (horrible idea, don't do it, it'll really stress you out), and so all night I was just laying there wide-eyed imagining my life as an unemployed housewife with thousands in student loan debt.

Then I considered the fact that what kind of job am I looking for ANYWAY with a psych degree? I really need to look into some more options. Teaching certificate or graduate school or something. But graduate school really messes up my plans! What about starting mine and Mark's own little family? The only thing that has never changed in all of my plans that I've created for myself was picturing me as a mommy. It's probably the most important thing to me in general, after getting married. So when do babies come in? If I go to grad school and get an MA in counseling like is probably likely of me, then I'd have to start working for at least a year to make sure I can take leave when the baby is on his or her way. I'll probably be 26 or older at that point. It does sound ridiculous that I would complain about having children in my mid-twenties but I just can't see myself waiting that long (happily, obliginigly, not depressedly). But if I don't go to grad school the job outlook is bleak.

It's just hard trying to figure out what the plan is. In some ways, I can't just wait for it to fall into place. I still have the free will to go ahead and make a decision so that the plan is put in to action. For example, with my internship I had to go ahead and APPLY for it, ya know? The rest (like me getting the job) was in God's plan. And my applying was in God's plan too but like I said, he didn't call me up and tell me to go for it and it'll turn out well for me. I just had to do it. And I'll just have to do something after graduation. Unless a job falls into my lap, I'll have to do something. For the time being I just need to relax and not worry so much about what is going to happen.

Monday, December 28, 2009

ho ho ho!

It was a Merry Christmas indeed. I had a pretty good time. It was busy going back and forth between families but everything worked out well. My mom said I missed out on some funny stuff because after Mark and I left on Christmas day they played apples to apples and taboo I think so that would have been fun I suppose. Overall it was a good Christmas. I actually liked every single gift I got, there's nothing I need to exchange or return whatsoever! Which is odd I think that this is the first year that has ever happened. Next year I definitely need to eat smaller portions at each dinner so that I can actually eat everything I want to because on Christmas Eve I kind of at a lot at Logan's Roadhouse and when we got to Mark's family party there was a ton of yummy looking food. But I was so stuffed. I ate some anyways and became even more stuffed to the point of sleepy. So I'll need to even things out next year for sure.

Sometimes I think I am definitely a psychopath. Mark should have never showed me the wonders of gmail and google calendar because from now until September I have already filled the calendar with plans for the future. I love to plan things! It's like a sick obession because I'm always thinking about what's to come and not living in the present, which I really need to start doing. I think that will be part of my New Year's Resolution - to live in the moment and not worry so much about the future. At least the bright side is that all my spring and summer classes are picked out - I just need to enroll in them. And graduation day is marked in the calendar as well: December 18, 2010! YAY!

This weekend was also fun. Saturday I spent out with pretty close to all of my friends, shopping and eating and playing games. I brushed up on some eukre (sp?) which makes me happy because I always feel so awkward when I don't know how to play such games. But I should really be good because we were playing 6-handed at Alyse's the other night. Then we went to some little bar which I was very concerned would be scary and unpleasant but wasn't so bad. We didn't stay though, it was super crowded and there were like, 12 of us, so we moved the party to Boston's. I didn't realize Boston's was so poppin at night! Odd. The last few times I went there for dinner at like 6ish it was really un-crowded.

Yesterday was delightfully lazy and I stayed in my pajamas ALMOST all day until Mark came home and made me go to Wal-mart with him and buy some nerf-type gun that he wants for his birthday (even though his birthday is still over a week away!). And somehow the apartment already ate one of his darts. Okay, it's weird though. The apartment is small. There is literally no where that it could be at this point. Freaky if you ask me.

I think I've written about a novel now so I'm set!
PS - I'm writing this while I'm interning lol. There's nothing to do this week, most everyone is on vacation. I did see one girl today, so it was not totally lost!

Happy New Year's! It's coming soon!

Thursday, December 24, 2009


Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all! I'm so glad it's finally here.

Right now I'm basically just waiting around to get ready, then Mark and I will be off to church with my family at 3:00, and then out to dinner at Logan's Roadhouse. After eating Mark and I are going to meet his parents and we're all driving together to his family party.

Tomorrow we'll be at my aunt and uncle's house for dinner at 1:00 and then heading over to his aunt and uncle's house for dinner around 4:00. The only thing I'm dreading is the ham. I'm not a fan of holiday ham! I'm just not. I'm a turkey girl all the way but Thanksgiving is the only time we ever eat turkey in my family. We'll see what Mark's family is eating - last year it was a really weird array of foods, like a make-your-own sandwiches station and fruit and vegetable trays and some other assorted appetizers.

I have no idea what's going on for New Year's as of yet. I told Mark that I'd really like it if we hung out with my friends this year so I'm pretty sure that's what we'll do. It's usually a lot more low key than the party his friends throw and I'm not a huge party-goer.

Anyways, hope everyone has a fun and safe holiday. Merry Christmas!

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

restarting food diary, day one.

I feel sickly today and I think that part of it is the antibiotics I'm on right now which cause drowsiness, and the other would most likely be my eating habits are so poor - again! So here goes nothing.

Breakfast - some apple juice when I woke up this morning. Around 9:30 I got an egg, cheese, and bacon sandwich and hash browns with ketchup and a wild cherry pepsi in the cafeteria at work.
Lunch - nothing really. I went home and my dad was checking out what's up with my car, and so I snacked a little bit on some fritos and dip and had a glass of water. I also ate a butterball cookie.
Dinner - KFC with the fam. I ate a wing, leg, coleslaw, mashed potatoes and gravy, mac and cheese, a biscuit with butter, and coke. Not good. I felt very full afterward and it wasn't really more food than I usually eat but I think the fact that my stomach hadn't really been full all day had something to do with it.
Snack - None as of yet. I'm drinking water here and there but I'm extremely tired and achy and feel as if I don't want to move, let alone eat. The only thing I will allow to move right now are my fingers as I type.

Exercise - None today really, aside from walking around the office here and there.

Overall health - Right now I'm kind of trying to figure out if everything is okay with my health or if something is up. I've had a swollen lymph node on the right side of my neck for some time now, probably since the middle of summer. I kept putting off going to the doctor but finally last week I made an appointment and went in. Doctor told me that it often happens where a lymph node will swell one day and just never go down, but to be safe we should check out what's going on since it has been so consistent. She had me get my blood drawn and referred me to an ear, nose, and throat specialist. I made the appointment for that, assuming I was supposed to, and then got a call with my results which were that my white blood cell count was high and that I was going to be put on antibiotics. Then if the lymph node still didn't go down I should see the specialist. I guess if it does go away I could cancel but I feel like maybe I should just go anyway. Just last night I was feeling around my neck and I found another really small lump just below it, which is concerning to me. I don't want anything to be overlooked so I'll probably just go. Seeing as I've suddenly become really tired and achy I'm thinking that the antibiotics are probably the cause. I think this because I started out on them feeling fine and now that I've taken them for a day it seems like I feel worse. Funny how that happens.

Tomorrow should be a fascinating journey through Christmas Eve. Be back soon.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

last day of long weekend #1

I'm going to be experiencing three long weekends in a row now that school is out for Christmas break and I am very excited about that. I'm working my internship Monday through Wednesday and then DONE. Of course next week means Christmas and the week after that means New Years but whatever. So this long weekend has been nice. Here are my plans for today:
I woke up, turned on the TV, laid in bed and watched "Saved!" which was on the Lifetime Movie Network. Gosh I love that movie. It's so funny.
Right now I'm sitting around near the kitchen hoping to evade disaster as I cook a cornish hen (last time I cooked one it didn't go so well) and listening to Mark annoyingly yell at the tv as he plays video games. Ugh. He's being so annoying. He better eat the food I cook him. He's going to work at 4 today which is why I'm cooking early so we can have a lunch/dinner.
I'll probably shower soon, get ready, maybe run to the store and get a few things, then come back and cook the side dishes.
After Mark leaves I'll be going over to eat Christmas cookies with my family. Yummy. And help them out with a few kinks they are working out with their new computer.
Then I'll most likely call Jodi and see if she wants to hang out for a bit. I do have to get up early tomorrow so it won't be a late night out.

Tomorrow we're having our girl's night out, after I have a little work gathering for one of the people who just recently got married, so tomorrow will be quite busy.

I'm loving not having classes though. I cannot wait until graduation. It feels more and more everyday like I really do NOT want to go to grad school, but it might be inevitable.

That's all for now!

Friday, December 18, 2009


Our official wedding date is set for June 25, 2011. What a relief. I just got my grades back and I'm a little disappointed in myself, but now that I won't have so much wedding planning looming over my head I'll be able to focus more. Christmas is in exactly one week - I can't even believe it! December has been just flying by. I'm still contemplating a gift for my parents and one or two more gifts for Mark. No gifts for the sibs this year - there's just not enough money and too many of them. Next year I'm gonna try my hardest to make more and save more. That's one of my New Year's Resolutions.

There's some potential drama brewing at the internship, but I won't know all the details until we see what goes on on Monday. I'm not sure if I'm going to take some hours off or not. I can't really afford to but there's not going to be anything to do so I'm not sure what will happen with that yet.

Tonight I'm going to Buffalo Wild Wings and then to Chase's house, and tomorrow Mark and I are going to the movies with his parents. Then I'll probably go hang out with my family and eat Christmas cookies.

I went to the doctor today because I've had this swollen lymph node on the right side of my neck for months now. She said that I shouldn't be too concerned because sometimes that just happens - a lymph node will swell one day and it just stays that way forever. But it is possible that it could be something more serious, so she took some blood and referred me to an Ear Nose and Throat specialist and I have an appointment there on January 7. I'm not so worried right now but it's better to be safe than sorry.

I think that's about it for now. I'll update soon on all things work related and Christmas related!


Monday, December 7, 2009

oh my

So now that we've decided to postpone the wedding to a later date, that means that I can take more classes in the summer, and graduate in December like I wanted! Why do I want to graduate a semester early you may ask? My response: Why not? Why do I want to drag it out longer than it has to be? The only trouble is that for Fall 10 semester I need to find some sort of 2 credit class or else just have to overide and take 20 credits instead which is what I'll do I'm sure. I've also planned on having sociology be my second minor (even though I have yet to take a soc class). I don't really have much more requirements and all the rest is electives so I guess why not just do something constructive and possibly helpful for a future career, right? Right.

So the plan of action is to take one class spring semester and two classes summer semester, and then it will end up being five for the fall and then graduation. I hope that that works out. I don't see why not. But then again I'm always jumping the gun about everything and getting overly excited and then have to end up taking a step back and slowing things down (ahem). But my current mindframe says that this should all be good. Let's hope it is.

Studying is okay. I'm done with biology for now - after my first two exams tomorrow I have a span of four hours to finish studying before the bio exam at 7. Stats is all I'm going to focus on now. I mostly have to just write my study sheet out and then maybe read some notes/book. I will be so glad when stats is over. I think I've said that probably twenty times but really. It's so annoying.

I don't think my GPA is going to be that great this semester. I'm a little sad about it but that just means a new opportunity next semester to study harder. I'm hoping for an A in English and B's in everything else. Hoping. It might end up being all B's (boo). It's my own fault for not studying hard enough. I mean stats was inevitable, biology I should have spent way more time on, and adulthood/aging was just not working out for me with the 8 AM thing. I was way too exhausted to get up and go half the time. That was really bad of me. I should have done much better in that class but I was lazy. It's my own fault. I need to practice some self-discipline.

Well,I need to take a break and go watch Santa Clause is coming to town! Yes, I love Christmas.


So I changed my entire schedule. I'm dropping the bio minor and redeclaring the english minor. And I am very happy about that. Here's my new schedule:

Winter Semester 2010 Schedule
Course Instructor Days Time Bldg Room
PSY-337-001 Hansen R 05:30 P.M.-08:50 P.M. SFH 268

SOC-100-004 Spurlock MWF 01:20 P.M.-02:27 P.M. VAR 205

PSY-225-003 Meyer T 05:30 P.M.-08:50 P.M. NFH 156

ENG-300-002 Hawkins MW 03:30 P.M.-05:17 P.M. SFH 364

Hooray! I have much to study still. I'm about finished with biology and my final stats lab. I have to write out my stats study sheet still and maybe go through some of the other bio study guides. For english I don't really have to do anything - I looked through my notes but there doesn't seem to be anything I would struggle with.

As far as wedding news goes, we have decided to postpone for one year. I'm not sure what the new date is, we'll have to work everything out next week. I'm a little sad but it's probably for the best - we need to be more financially independent before getting married.

That's all for now!

Friday, December 4, 2009

Not happy. Not happy at all. I just wrote out my to-do list for all things related to studying for finals. Tried to space everything out so that I'm not focusing on just one subject and neglecting the others as I've tended to do so often this semester. Now the trouble is actually getting myself into gear. I might have to force myself to go to the library tomorrow just so I can attempt to get something done! Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh.

Today was pig out day at work. There was so much food, it was ridiculous. The board room was full of all types of normal food and snacks and then outside in the hallway were tables of desserts and pop. I have to say normally I love the food days but there was nothing especially appealing to me this time around. Of course, I still ate (come on now people) but the options weren't my favorite. I guess some of them were more practical and again, a thousand desserts which desserts aren't really my favorite. But it was still good.

Most of the day was spent trying to ID one of our girls in a video that some kid took on their phone of a girl fight that broke out yesterday. The issue was that we had specifically seen her wearing blue coach shoes just an hour before that fight, and in the video they looked white (poor quality and very small). We finally found a way to make it larger and then slowly ran through it and paused and we definitely saw some blue on her shoes. Plus it's not so far fetched to be her because a) assault was her first offense anyway and b) the other girls we could pick out as people she had been hanging around earlier based on size and what they were wearing. That took quite a lot of time though. I did manage to go to two schools and one home visit though. And at the home visit the mom was there which is always helpful - sometimes kids don't always tell the whole truth about their behavior at home. Overall it was a fairly average day at work.

I came home today and made tacos and messed them up somehow. They were okay I guess. And created my to-do list and now here I am, not doing anything on the list at all. I won't panic too much though since I'm taking off work on Monday to study and so I have the whole weekend plus Monday. Three of the finals are on Tuesday though which is pretty miserable. And one on Thursday so I won't have to deal with that one too much this weekend but I absolutely need an A on it so it'll be squeezed in here and there.

I cannot tell you how glad I am that this semester is about to be OVER. It's been far too much.

Here's my class schedule for next semester:
BIO-206-002 Bee, M T 04:00 P.M.-07:00 P.M. SEB 34

BIO-113-008 Fishwild, T TR 01:00 P.M.-02:47 P.M. DHE 200

PSY-337-001 Hansen, R R 05:30 P.M.-08:50 P.M. SFH 268

BIO-205-002 Bee, M MW 05:30 P.M.-07:17 P.M. ODH 204

BIO-116-010 Gamboa, G W 02:00 P.M.-05:00 P.M. DHE 212

That's about it. I'll get to work now...

Thursday, December 3, 2009

last day of classes!

I am so happy that this is the last day of classes! I have been feeling kind of yucky today and I had too much stats homework that I didn't finish so I skipped 8 AM and did homework, then spent a little time working on the practice exam in stats and just came home. Mark and I went out to lunch at McDonald's and then I came home and tried to nap but I'm having a hard time clearing my thoughts even though I'm very tired. Now, just have to make it to English at 3 and Bio at 5:30 and then DONE! Finally.

I think I'll probably be making tacos for dinner tonight. Mark and I might be going to the movies, although he keeps saying "there's nothing to see but New Moon" so I don't know what we'll do. I already saw New Moon and didn't LOVE it but I am a fan of the series so I don't mind going again I suppose.

Tomorrow I'll be interning until about 2:30 and then the whole weekend including Monday will be devoted to studying, except for the few hours I'll be working at Dairy Queen on Sunday afternoon. It's bound to be very exhausting. I can't believe all of my exams are cumulative. ALL of them. This semester has been mentally draining for some reason. I've had a difficult time adjusting and staying focused.

Wedding things are a little bit complex right now. I'll update as soon as I know more info. That's all for now.